I've often spoken on the double standard that exists when it comes to gender violence. We teach our boys when they are little to not hit girls, however, where is the dialogue to our daughters? By in large that conversation is missing and apparently I'm not the only one noticing.
I stumbled upon this article via the Chicago Tribune that echos my point:
 |
Caught on video, singer Solange Knowles’ attack on her brother-in-law,
Jay Z, has been replayed countless
times on television and online.
(CARLO ALLEGRI, REUTERS / May 12, 2014) |
Leonard Pitts
May 22, 2014
What if he had smacked her one?
She's going after him with fists and feet. What if he had defended
himself in kind? Or what if he had been the one who attacked her without
physical provocation?
Would it still be funny?
As we all know from a leaked elevator surveillance video that has
been replayed countless times on television and online, that's not how
it happened. Instead, rapper and businessman Jay Z deflected the blows
and at one point caught a kicking foot in midair, but otherwise made no
aggressive moves as his sister-in-law, singer Solange Knowles, whaled on
him. Beyonce — his wife, her sister — watched without interfering, and
an overmatched bodyguard tried to keep the peace.
Video of the one-sided brawl at a New York hotel first surfaced last
week on TMZ. It has since been widely remarked upon and scrutinized.
People have speculated on what made Solange go off like that. People
have cracked jokes. But there has been little if any denunciation of the
violence, nor are police known to be investigating.
Indeed, the world seemed ready to move on to the next oddity in the
human carnival by the time the family released an opaque statement
Friday (they're both sorry) and "Saturday Night Live" lampooned the
fight in a sketch.
But what if he had hit her, whether in self-defense or aggression?
Wouldn't we be having a markedly different discussion right now?
Wouldn't police be involved? Wouldn't his reputation be in the toilet?
Yes. So, what's the difference?
We know the answer intuitively, even if it is not politically correct
to say: Real men don't hit women. Not even in self-defense, unless
maybe she holds a black belt or a baseball bat. Men are taught from
boyhood to be mindful of their superior size and strength: Don't hit
girls.
So Jay Z took his sister-in-law's abuse because there was, in a real sense, nothing else he could do.
And don't you think she knew that? Don't you think she was counting on it when she waded in there?
One is wary, as a man, of calling out double standards between the
sexes. In the first place, men benefit from more double standards than
we have space to count. In the second place, it would be specious to
pretend the physical abuse of men by women is a problem anywhere near as
ubiquitous as the physical abuse of women by men.
That said, it's hard to let this go without at least acknowledging
this other double standard — and Solange's exploitation thereof.
Too bad police didn't raise the specter of an investigation, even if
only to have it batted down. Might not have been the worst thing in the
world if Jay Z's heavy-handed in-law had to at least momentarily
contemplate explaining herself to a judge.
But that, of course, is wishful thinking. It won't happen — not only
because police would be disinclined, but also because as a guy, Jay Z
would in all likelihood be mortified by the very idea. Forget the family
dynamic: To press charges because a woman hit you without injury would
be to betray male pride. Might as well join a monastery. You could never
show your face again.
So it bears repeating: There was nothing he could do but take it. And
if that wasn't physically hurtful, it had to, at the very least, be
profoundly humiliating.
Isn't it interesting how, 50 years into the modern feminist movement,
with women represented at previously unthinkable strata in our national
life, gender roles continue to define and constrain us, often in ways
as subtle and unseen as they are abiding and real?
We will be thrashing that out for the foreseeable future. But we
might make a small, albeit welcome change in that future if we
reconsider what we have long told our little boys and expand it to
include their sisters too.
Don't hit girls? No.
Don't hit at all.
Tribune Content Agency
Leonard Pitts is a columnist for the Miami Herald.
lpitts@miamiherald.com
