A habit is any action that we have performed so often that it becomes
almost an involuntary response. If we consider this habit to be
undesirable then we may label it a "bad habit." People spend countless
hours and dollars each year attempting to break these bad habits and
often do not have any success. Why? Because there is no magic bullet.
Change is hard work and there is no short cut to achieving it. The steps
a person needs to take, however, can be very simply outlined. To effect
a change in habits, one needs to bring the action back into the realm
of consciousness and regain the ability to make choices.
What's the Payoff?
The first step in breaking a bad habit is to look at why you find this
action so compelling. In other words, what's the payoff for doing this
seemingly negative thing? Since you've already classified this as a
"bad" habit you may be tempted to say there isn't one. But look closer.
There is always a payoff. Let's say your bad habit is yelling at your
kids. What's in it for you? You let off some steam and feel a little
better for the moment. Or you have a bad habit of leaving the dishes
unwashed? The payoff could be that you get to spend more time on the
Internet!
What's the Trade Off
Next, take a look at the trade off. What is it that you are losing by
exercising your habit? This step should be easier. Just think why it is
that you consider it a bad habit in the first place. Yelling at your
kids is a bad habit because it leaves everybody feeling tense and tears
down your children's self-esteem. You are trading a temporary release of
tension for the emotional health of your children. Leaving the dishes
undone is a bad habit because your kitchen is a smelly mess. To have
more Internet time you are trading off having a pleasant living
environment. When you look at it that way it doesn't seem like you are
making very wise choices, does it? There has to be a better way.
Time to Make a Choice!
Now that you've weighed both sides of the issue--your payoff and your
tradeoff--it's time to make a choice. It's no longer an involuntary act
because now you know that you are making a choice every time you perform
this action. You are choosing what you value more: the payoff or the
tradeoff! Each time you start to do whatever the bad habit is now you
have to actively choose. Which do you value more? Do you value more the
relief you get by yelling at your kids or do you value their emotional
well-being? Do you value more having more Internet time or having a
pleasant place to live?
Substituting Better Behaviors
The whole reason you formed your habits in the first place is that they
filled a need. You had tension that needed relief or you had a desire to
surf the Net. As you break the old patterns you still need a way to
fulfill these needs. You will be not only making an active choice to not
do the old action you will also be making a choice to perform a better,
alternative action in its place. Instead of yelling at your kids you
might decide to go for a run every time you are feeling tense. Instead
of letting dirty dishes pile up you may decide to use paper plates when
you are eating alone. What the new habit is that you substitute isn't so
important as whether you feel good about the choices you have made.
After all, the reason you consider it a bad habit is because it leaves
you feeling bad about yourself.
I t's Up to You
By now you should realize that the only way to continue with a bad habit
for very long is to sink back into denial of why you are doing it in
the first place. Each time you begin to resume your old patterns the
thought will pass through your mind that you are trading X for Y each
time you perform that action. You will be forced to make a choice,
whether good for bad, about continuing your habit. What choices will you
make? The one that makes you feel bad about yourself or the one that
makes you feel good? It's up to you.
